RUMOR HAS IT

AHH THE RUMOR MILL

This week I was asked and then basically told that I have a porn site lurking in the deepest darkest areas of the web.  I say that in complete jest because I have not seen it.  Lying across my sofa smoking a cigarette, I decidedly replied in a very dismissive manner to the question at hand, “I don’t have a porn site, I don’t have a site at all, I can’t afford to make the one I want, let alone a porn site.” 

I finished my call and then pondered the idea.  I got mad.  “What the HELL!!!” who in their right mind would think I had a porn site, and would bother to spread the rumor as if it were true. PORN? REALLY? PORN?? 

FELCAIO FOR A FEE

As much as I would LOVE to admit to an arrogance of my sexual prowess, I cannot. I laugh when I think of anyone who would want to see or pay to see me perform any sexual act. Literally, I laugh. With breasts the size of watermelons and the weight to match, a belly that on any given day of overeating, thighs that look like a treat for sasquatch I don’t think even the kindest of desperate male souls would be turned on by a XXX video, starring me!

DENTAL FLOSS LOST IN A SEA OF SUBSTANCE

Monday night at The Z Room Comedy open mic, the topic comes up again. Big girls just can’t wear a thong; it’s just not sexy. It’s just not nice, they don’t make that lingerie for an ass the size of the Great Pumpkin. So I laugh, no porn, no thong, no nothing! And I am reminded of something my sister has been saying about my thong owning big ass you years, “Girl! That underwear looks like the Lycra is holding on for dear life!!” I hate to tell ya folks, but if we want it they sell it. In sizes that would make any man remember why he was in the bed in the first place!

FETISH FOR DUMMIES

Needless to say, there is a whole world out there for those who have a vested interest in the fuller figured woman. And when I mean fuller figured, I mean FULL FULL FIGURED. Magazines as classy as Playboy, with all the fixings Hugh Hefner could have imagined. Women in thong underwear twice the size as what I own and ladies rounder, plumper, and juicier than anything I have ever seen. And I don’t mean “Big Booty Bountiful”, “Black Ghetto Booty” or any other likely named XXX video; I mean 2 tons of fun, having fun with men who enjoy the challenge.

AND THE WINNER IS…….
So I wish I could say that rumors are hurtful, evil or just plain stupid. Sometimes they are, but this time it’s funny and thought provoking. Ladies and gentlemen, I am officially to big for mainstream pornography and not big enough for fetish porn. I won’t be winning any AVN’s any time soon and had I any inclination of delving into that industry, I am sure I would not be sitting in my mother’s basement writing these pages. I’d be in Brittany, watching the tide come in on my porch with a wolfhound named Brutus at my side.

©2010 Darra M. Boyd

THE LOST ART OF ETIQUETTE

^{Society became disturbed by etiquette's European history, so associated with extravagance and wealth. What's left is a watered down version of its last marketable concepts; dancing lessons, table settings, balanced walks and appropriate greetings; Charm schools, Debutante Balls, and private lessons.}

^{We can now "buy" a good upbringing, for a small fortune, with the best schools and the best clothes, making everything we do more marketable. But what about the simple facts? What about the basics? What about the things that were once important, when all you had was not what you wore but how you presented yourself and what you said. From your hand gestures to the way you chewed your food. To the way you picked up your knife and fork, those are some of the little things that were just a way of life. But it's bigger than that. It was how we set the standard for what the world will be today. And there's no one thing to blame it's everything and everyone. Because we all forgot and we all should have remembered.}

Do you remember when people shared and were interested in working together for one common good? In corporate culture it is now called "Team Work". Do you remember the days where you couldn’t play double Dutch without 4 people, and the park was where everyone played, young or old? Do you remember? The times where you couldn’t raise your voice at ANY adult, and it wasn’t only "Big Mamma" who slapped you for doing wrong? And whether you lived in apartment or a house, at the dinner table, there were NO elbows on the table, and you didn’t eat without saying “Pass the butter please...” and “Thank you” after it was passed to you. Oh, you could cut up, but you knew better than to take it any farther than a smile or a giggle. And the kids did the dishes after dinner. What happened to those times, when we were rewarded for good work, even when the boss was taking advantage. He at least said “Job well done.” You might not have gotten that promotion, but at least they said “Thank you.” The lost art of etiquette, so far gone, those that still have it are considered weak, bourgeois, or better yet, stupid to participate in such vain activities of the mind. 

When we even bring up the issue of culture, do we even suggest that urban culture is the culprit of this substandard mockery of common attitudes? How could we? When we are all in the grocery store watching the "New Age" mother letting her infant children "express themselves" by screaming and stamping, and yelling at her. Should we turn our noses up because she is a career women with a nanny and a job that some of us dream to have? And what about the "Welfare" mother with WIC checks and too many kids to handle. Do we turn our noses up at them because they take longer in the checkout line while her infant children "express themselves" by demanding things she cannot afford to buy? Or do we do what the lost art expected of us, to help them both all along the way. And what about the businessman, late for his meeting, who pushes his way through the crowd with a posture and an obvious feeling of self importance, as if he is the only one on the way to work. And the over privileged college student, who thinks his opinion is more important than any one else's in the classroom. What does it say about us when cities have to place signs on seats in public transportation to remind us of what used to be second nature? To "Give up a seat for the elderly or physically impaired". What are we saying about ourselves? 

It says that we live in a world where there are other things of value. Money, power and maintaining a lifestyle that is comfortable to us. And those things are not wrong to want. We want our children to have more than we had. We want to do better than our parents did. It's good to want more. Wanting breeds ambition, challenge and integrity. Its the way we choose to the "More" that we want that is questioned here. These material needs have become synonymous with respect, which has changed the way we all live. In a millennium where the average family struggles to pay for healthcare, and the retired have to go back to work to part-time to pay for their medication, is it just what they all say? That we are living longer so it is draining our social security? Or are we all suffering from the change, that has almost eliminated the ideals of etiquette. 

That change has made etiquette a lost art. Etiquette as an art instead of a way of life. Aggressive behavior is praised in business because professional attitudes have deemed it to be more "Progressive". We live, eat and breathe for the next opportunity to make more money because that is represented as successful living. And successful living is respected. Drawn in by the tragedy of fear, we've lost the sense of community, where the lost art lived and thrived. We've lost respect for those who once had the ability to teach it; preachers, reverends, politicians, businessman. To only respect the less human ideals and separate ourselves from the tragedy, for a better sense of security. Material gains have become more respected. And the more we separate ourselves, the less associated with ourselves we become. And that is how the art of etiquette is lost. 

Community brought the lost art to us, and gave us it's values. It was meant to be a teaching tool, to ensure that we could all communicate with one another effectively. Reflecting on the basics of humanity, by priding itself on non-judgment. Never existing to separate the masses through class distinction, but when used effectively, brought people together from all walks of life. And we have left it. Left it all behind. 

The nostalgia I felt to see a small clip in the news of the last vestiges of the lost art. In New Orleans, at city of recent tragedy, they were able to do what they did annually. for all young girls who lived there. A debutante ball. My heart became alive at the fact that there was still a place in the country that honored the tradition. A tradition that is full of life, love, respect, and all the things that I endure. I shed a tear. A tear because I only hoped for more young women to participate in the process that was once so well respected. To bring to their children, not only the regimen, but what it means, and how it helps to reach all those who one would think are so unreachable. To bring hope, honor and joy to those who played a part, in keeping the lost art alive. We think so much about all else that matters little, and yet so less about what matters so much. The lost art, it taught us that the small things that happen in our lives, are not so much less, but just as big, because they bring us to the larger things in life. Quality of life. No matter where you live, or who you are, or what you have become. The lost art love and respected all that took part, and all that made it prosper. The lost art of Etiquette, it is what we once had, before its meaning was left behind.

lifes, hairpin bend

life takes a bend, a drastic turn, together we stand and in the cosmic fire we burn! to be like crystal to be white as pearl, years of labour made me lost..........in big way and small. they say, great is my strength of enduring, and my patience, neverending. not knowing, the strength of my mind is drawn from the loving well of your heart. i lose much and gain little that little becomes the strength, yet whole some, and sometimes brittle. ritty patnaik

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SATURDAY! OCTOBER 3RD!

THE LIE

by: Sir Walter Raleigh

O, Soul, the body's guest,

Upon a thankless arrant!

Fear not to touch the best;

The truth shall be thy warrant:

Go, since I needs must die,

And give the world the lie.

Say to the court it glows

And shines like rotten wood;

Say to the church it shows

What's good, and doth no good:

If court and church reply,

Then give them both the lie.

Tell potentates they live

Acting by others' action,

Not loved unless they give,

Not strong but by a faction.

If potentates reply,

Give potentates the lie.

Tell men of high condition

That manage the estate,

Their purpose is ambition,

Their practice only hate:

And if they make reply,

Then give them all the lie.

Tell them that brave it most,

They beg for more by spending,

Who, in their greatest cost,

Seek nothing but commending:

And if they make reply,

Then give them all the lie.

Tell zeal it wants devotion;

Tell love it is but lust;

Tell time it is but motion;

Tell flesh it is but dust:

And wish them not reply,

For thou must give the lie.

Tell age it daily wasteth;

Tell honor how it alters;

Tell beauty how she blasteth;

Tell favor how she falters:

And as they shall reply,

Give every one the lie.

Tell wit how much it wrangles

In tickle points of niceness;

Tell wisdom she entangles

Herself in over-wiseness:

And when they do reply,

Straight give them both the lie.

Tell physic of her boldness;

Tell skill it is pretension;

Tell charity of coldness;

Tell law it is contention:

And as they do reply,

So give them still the lie.

Tell fortune of her blindness;

Tell nature of decay;

Tell friendship of unkindness;

Tell justice of delay:

And if they will reply,

Then give them all the lie.

Tell arts they have no soundness,

But vary by esteeming;

Tell schools they want profoundness,

And stand too much on seeming:

If arts and school reply,

Give arts and school the lie.

Tell faith it fled the city;

Tell how the country erreth;

Tell manhood shakes off pity;

Tell virtue least preferreth:

And if they do reply,

Spare not to give the lie.

So when thou hast, as I

Commanded thee, done blabbing,--

Although to give the lie

Deserves no less than stabbing,--

Stab at thee, he that will,

No stab the soul can kill.

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